Scene 1 – Disconnected voices. (Mary, Joe and Professor speak directly to the audience, they are comfortable, Joe and Mary at their homes, Professor in his basement colonial tavern circa 1772 wearing a tricorne hat.)
Mary
Yesterday was rather a waste, due to getting hopelessly drunk the night before. One always self-deprecates while hungover, I think it’s the natural state to be ashamed of oneself in this situation.
Joe
It will all be fine. It will all be fine. Everything is fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.
Professor
(With book in hand, reading.) There have been several attempts to identify the female inebriate.
Mary
I continually wake up and think, how am I going to go about changing my existence.
Joe
I need to find a slightly easier way of being.
Mary
Each day begins with a list/directive for going about the day. (As if reading off a notepad.) If you want to consume something drink tea. No booze. Go to the library, clean the house, yoga, take a walk.
Joe
Maybe if I just tell her I love her then she’ll beg me to stay. Say she can’t live without me. (Pause)
I need a reason to stay.
Professor
To become an alcoholic or a person who “Drinks too much” is to acquire a particular social role which has profound effects upon the drinker’s self conceptions and interpersonal relationships and which, in turn, is an important element in the development of compulsive drinking.
(He pauses, takes off his hat, scratches his head, reaches behind the bar, takes out a growler and pours beer into a stoneware mug.)
Mary
At the end of the day, drink in hand, hour three of being curled in front of the mindless set, the list is edited. If you want to consume something drink, cross out tea and write in block letters, GIN. Side note, Gin is amazing, it makes you feel happy, tea gives you the runs.
Professor
We will look at factors which predispose the individual, which orient the predisposed individual to alcohol, which explain how the individual progresses to uncontrolled or compulsive drinking.
Mary
Cross out Go to the Library, write in Three hour Nap.
Joe
Oh don’t worry. I am under absolutely no misconception that we are together, or that we will be anytime in the relative near future. It won’t matter soon anyhow, I’ll be gone.
Woman
Clean the house, yoga, take a walk. I did take a walk, big ole check mark next to that one. Yoga rarely happens but feels amazing when it does. But for whatever reason, actually doing it, is well as I said something rare. The walk is easy though, no matter what time of year bundled up with only eyes showing or easy comfort in a sweatshirt and jeans, just head on out into the world letting the feet carry you towards nowhere in particular. Just wander around. Makes one feel slightly less stuck, less helpless, just walkin, walkin about. Feels like an accomplishment without actually accomplishing. Cleaning the house would feel good too, but part of walking is avoiding things like cleaning the house.
Professor
(The Professor’s eyes light up. He takes a big swig of beer.) Aahhh, The Art of Fermentation predates the written history of man. The discovery of stone age beer jugs has established the fact that some use of fermented beverages existed as early as the Neolithic period and there have been few practices as widespread, historically and cross culturally, as the consumption of some type of alcoholic beverages. The persistence of alcohol usage is undoubtedly due to the ability of alcohol to satisfy some basic human needs. It is a useful device for making people more comfortable in their ordinary lives.
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